A New Bed

Having sex with Mike gave Susan time to think about all the things she wanted to fix around the house. On her back, with her head tilted to the side, she could see that the curtains really were too short for the windows. Straddling Mike gave her the perfect view of the bookshelves that needed to be dusted. Facing the other way, on all fours, Susan noticed small cracks in the walls and a light switch that had been screwed on crooked. 

Little by little, things around the house got fixed. And little by little, Susan ran out of things to think about while having sex with Mike. Susan wondered if she was unhappy. She decided she was, and divorced Mike. Since she was the one who had fixed everything in the house, Mike moved out. Susan did not want to sleep in the bed she had shared with Mike. She felt it was an unlucky bed and most likely the reason for their failed marriage. She gave the bed to Goodwill and decided to have a new one made.

Buying wood for her new bed frame, Susan met Logan. Logan owned the wood shop and lived in the back. Logan cut Susan’s wood and then told her he wanted to lick her butt. They had sex on a pile of wood chips and dead rats. Covered in sawdust, they went to Logan’s bed and had sex some more.

They had sex everywhere — even on top of the leftover pizza. When they were done, the framed poster of Pamela Anderson above Logan’s bed had almost completely fallen off the nail. Logan’s place was beyond filthy but Susan didn’t notice. She sighed happily. She knew it had been a good idea to get a new bed.


3 thoughts on “A New Bed

  1. Charlotte, this is the most original and funniest mashup of sex and home repair I’ve ever read. Great! Keep writing, I want more…



  2. Charlotte, I just love this one. So simple, and with a great message. I told your mom (via Facebook) that I thought it would make a GREAT song…maybe you two can collaborate. Thanks so much for sharing…I’ll be smiling all day today!


  3. “Logan’s place was beyond filthy but Susan didn’t notice. She sighed happily. She knew it had been a good idea to get a new bed.”

    Keep it up..im so proud of you!



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