Last night I dreamt a man in a white stretch limo kidnapped me. I was given a long black evening gown to change into and I was forced to drink a mimosa.  I tried desperately to call or email for help on my iphone, but my kidnapper had a device that made my phone not work. He was also keeping a close eye on me. At first he was driving the limo but then after some time, the limo began to drive itself and he sat with me in the back.

There was a girl with me in the back of the limo as well. She was dressed in jeans and a pink t-shirt. Her clothes were a little too small for her and I noticed her stomach fat rolling over the waist of her jeans. At first, I thought those were the clothes they were making her wear. Then I saw her making sexy faces at the kidnapper and I realized she was his girlfriend.  I asked her if they were going to do stuff to me and she said no. They just wanted me to make a commercial.

We did not speak again for the rest of the ride. They were on top of each other on one of the long side seats pretty much doing it and I was still trying to use my phone. I did manage to send a text to my dad that said, “They took me.” I was confidant it would not be long before my dad found me. I got bored having no one to talk to, so I sat back and read through some old issues of Cosmopolitan.

It took awhile but we finally arrived to a dirty basement. The floor was covered with all sorts of products like Ziploc bags and raisins. On one side of the room, a sheet was pinned to the wall and a small stepladder was in front of it.  The kidnapper told me to go and sit on the stepladder. His girlfriend handed me a roll of Scotch tape and told me to start acting. Her boyfriend was already recording me with one of those old video cameras. I asked why he didn’t have a digital camera. He said that they had spent so much money on the limo and my dress, not much was left for studio equipment.

I did what I was told, I started talking about all the great things I did with Scotch tape. They had just handed me a Butterfinger and were directing me to open it slowly, when there was a knock at the door. It was my dad. I was so happy to see him. The dress they had give me was too tight and my back hurt from sitting up straight on the stepladder.  I couldn’t wait to change into my pajamas and eat a quesadilla. While I daydreamt about being comfortable, my dad was negotiating my release. He promised the kidnapper he would have me do the commercials at home if he let me go.

Hearing this made me more upset than I had been all night.  What was the point of being free if I was still going to have to do commercials? I started to pout and whine and stomp my feet. My dad grabbed my arm and insisted it would not be a problem; we would make as many commercials at home as they wanted. Then he winked at me.  The girl saw my dad wink and realized he had been lying to her boyfriend. They decided he was such a good actor they would keep him as well. We spent the rest of the night in that basement, taking turns doing commercials for different products. I don’t know if they ever let us go.