Dear Samantha,

First off, let me just start with the good news and say OMFG your wedding is TOMORROW!!!! Can you believe it? The bad news is I can’t go. Don’t worry, you will know why after you read this email. The thing is, I met a guy today at Kmart when I was looking for your present. His name is J’on. He is pretty fine and tall and looks sort of like Mike, but with less pimples. (Don’t worry I’m sure the Proactiv will work soon.) Is he going to wear make up for the pictures tomorrow? Gay. LOL just kidding or else he wouldn’t be marrying you!

Anyway, J’on and me were talking and we realized we were both single! He was a smooth talker he said he liked my thick booty and my pretty eyes. I gave him my number and he said he would call me tomorrow. I said ok and I didnt realize til after he was gone that your wedding is tomorrow too! I don’t think I’ll be able to hear my phone during the ceremony so I think I should just stay at my house.

I know we already rehearsed the dance and got the bridesmaid dress to fit me, but my cousin Erin said she would do it for me. Don’t worry she is a really fast learner. You can just go over the dance steps with her tomorrow before the ceremony or something. She is a little fatter than me and when she tried to put on the dress you bought me the zipper broke but the good news is she still fits into her dress from prom and it is blue too so don’t worry.  Alright girl well have fun on your BIG day tomorrow. Wish me luck!!

Love you, Heidi

Hey P!S!!! Save me some cake!