Long Walks on the Beach


Why does everyone on dating sites say they like taking long walks on the beach? I don’t. I don’t think I even know anyone who does. It’s hard to walk on sand. Every time I do it, my calves hurt, I sweat, and I start breathing like a stalker. I can’t imagine that being a pleasant first date with someone. Yet universally, it seems to be that “a romantic dinner followed by a long walk on the beach holding hands” is the ideal first date people describe. I think it’s a lie. I think that it is probably the best answer to a seriously messed up multiple choice question like:

Describe your ideal first date:

A. A romantic dinner followed by clubbing seals.

B. A romantic dinner followed by watching a 12 hour marathon of Toddlers and Tiaras.

C. A romantic dinner followed by a long walk on the beach holding hands.

D. A romantic dinner followed by a 6 mile run.

I’d still probably rather watch Toddlers and Tiaras than walk on the beach. I guess I’m just not outdoorsy.


7 thoughts on “Long Walks on the Beach

  1. I loveddddddddddd this. Also Jim’s walk on the beach til you find something to eat then go home and cook it…all he forgot was shootl it, then carry it home and fry it up, watching the wedding of Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert.


  2. I don’t know if I’d want to hold hands on a first date… who came up with that multiple choice anyway?? Although I do know some people who probably DID go on a 6 mile run on their first date (those sporty people… I wish I liked running).

    So your next piece is going to be on the ideal first date that’s an alternative to this, right? Although, perhaps you’d better shoot for the ideal SECOND date, when interest is already established and the awkwardness is somewhat relieved. Maybe a trip to a little-known hole-in the wall bistro on an evening of unexpected snow, where the waiters charge you 5 dollars if you answer your cell phone indoors, and the pasta puttanesca is to die for. P. S. Bizarro Cafe in Wallingford is a pretty good spot if you like Italian food, weird decor, and purposefully snarky/sarcastic service. But don’t get the volcano cake unless you enjoy extremely bitter espresso.


  3. How about a walk on the beach until you find something to eat for dinner? And then go home and let it cook while you watch Toddlers and Tiaras.


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