Gettin Fixed

Now that I have dental and vision covered on my husband’s health insurance plan, I have decided to take full advantage. I’m getting everything all fixed up. I went to the dentist today- whose name by the way is Dexter. Which is really cool if it’s not your dentist. I was a little nervous to go, but it turns out he’s actually a nice old man who did a very thorough check up on my teeth. Basically everything is all good, but could be better if I flossed more. Before he sent me over to the dental hygienist to get my teeth cleaned, he gave me a long talk about Nitrus gas and why he likes using it. He said if I wanted some for my cleaning I could have some. “Will the cleaning hurt?” I asked. “Not a bit” he replied. “But you are offering me laughing gas?” I asked him. “Oh yes,” he said, “only now we do it with Oxygen so it wont knock you out completely. It’s more like having a glass or two of wine. I highly recommend it.”

Well, who am I to go against medical advice? I decided to have some. The dental hygienist set me up in my chair and put a mask over my nose. “Let me know when your fingers get tingly” she said. “Okay” I replied. She started cleaning and a little while later asked me if I felt any difference. I told her I didn’t, so she said “okay I’m going to turn it up. Let me know if it gets to be too much.” I started feeling really relaxed almost immediately and then I started laughing. “I guess its working now” she said. So I was just chilling, trying to keep my mouth open which was difficult because I couldn’t feel it anymore. Then she asked me if my fingers were tingly yet. I forgot about my fingers. I wiggled them. “Oh yeah.” Then I laughed for a while and she couldn’t get into my mouth. I guess I laughed for a long time because the hygienist told me she wouldn’t be able to finish my cleaning in one appointment. I would have to come back. “At least you’ll get more Nitrus,” she whispered on my way out.

Before biking back home I decided to pay a visit to the optometrist nearby. I made an appointment for an eye exam tomorrow and was asked by one of the clerks to fill out a patient information sheet. There was a section on family history with a whole list of diseases. I told her that my father sees black spots in one eye, but I don’t know what that is called. She thought about it for a while and then said “just write “black spots” and the optometrist will know if it is hereditary or generic.” I told her I doubted it was generic. This same girl then asked me if I was looking to buy new glasses as well. I said I was and she offered to help me find something that would fit my face. I said “no thanks” and I looked at some glasses myself. I put on a pair and she came over and said “ wow. So European. So you. Seattle just hasn’t gotten there yet.” I say “I don’t even know what that means.” “I know, right?” she replied and walked over to help someone else.  I am so confused.

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8 thoughts on “Gettin Fixed

  1. Love your writing, Char. Reminds me of a dentist I saw in San Francisco during the ’60’s. His name was Rod PAIN and he had decorations all over the ceiling so, while he was tinkering with teeth, the patient would have something to look at.

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  2. I was laughing even without the gas. Dexter is just a few patients away from an arrest but I’m glad you got such a good story out of it. And I’m really glad you don’t have generic black spots, since you’re also a visual artist and all.

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  3. This cracks me up and makes me think of a dentist I went to only once. After I was all trussed up in the dentist’s chair with all sorts of equipment hanging out of my mouth, he moved in close to start whatever he was doing and I discovered that had an incredible collection of nose hairs. Eww! That really grossed me out.

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