Ryan Reynolds, a male lion, and eight dogs (all different kinds) were lying out on the lawn in front of my dad’s house. Ryan was trying to take a selfie with his phone to put on facebook, but he couldn’t get enough of the animals in the picture. He asked me to take a picture of them. I tried, but he was moving around too much so it was hard to get a good shot. He kept fake-fighting the lion and then the lion really started mauling him. Ryan kept laughing like everything was fine. I felt bad because I knew he wasn’t going to like how the shots were coming out. They were all blurry and he was getting mauled for no reason. I gave him his phone back. Then he and all the animals went inside to help my dad get ready for his audition. There were so many of them and they really wanted to help my dad. It was a sweet gesture, but all I could think about was that my dad was not going to be happy about all those dogs in his house.

Then I am lying in bed and my mom is rubbing some white goo on my cuticles. She says its good stuff she stole from the hospital, but she only has enough for one of my hands. She then tells me I should think about getting out of bed and giving Ryan his phone back. His lawyers are calling. They want to delete all of the pictures. I told her I had given the phone back, but she was right, I had it in my hand. We decided to look through his contacts to see if there was anyone cool we wanted to talk to before we gave the phone back. We tried a few numbers, but all of Ryan’s friends had really bad speech impediments. We couldn’t understand any of them. Then my mom said, “ I don’t understand why Ryan Gosling is friends with these people.” I said, “he’s not. These are Ryan Reynolds’s friends.” “Oh,” she said looking relieved, “Okay. Well, make sure you give the phone back.”