How Do You Know I’m Not Michael Jordan?

Adam: Hey Mark, let me ask you something.

Mark: Yeah.

Adam: How do you know I’m not Michael Jordan?

Mark: Umm, because you’re Adam.

Adam: I know, but if you didn’t know me. How would you know I wasn’t Michael Jordan?

Mark: You mean, how does a person tell someone is not another person, or…?

Adam: Come on man, I’m being serious.

Mark: Because you’re not Michael Jordan! I know what Michael Jordan looks like.

Adam: But I’m wearing his jersey. His exact same jersey. The one he played in the last time he played basketball. I bought one just like it. There is no difference at all.

Mark: Okay…

Adam: So, how would you know who I was?

Mark: Because I can see your face and you don’t look like Michael Jordan.

Adam: Do you think people really pay attention to that?

Mark: To what?

Adam: The face?

Mark: Yeah. Especially with someone like Jordan. Look, I think I have a cardboard cut out of him in my garage. Lets stand him next to you so you can see for yourself.

Adam: Okay.

(They go get the cut out of Michael Jordan and bring it into the bathroom to stand it next to Adam in the mirror)

Mark: Well, what do you think?

Adam: I don’t know. It’s hard to say. I mean, he’s wearing his old jersey. It’s really distracting.

Mark: Ok Adam, what about the fact that you look nothing like him?

Adam: I don’t know. I think that could be me.

Mark: He’s like a foot taller than you.

Adam: In cardboard. But maybe not in person. Do you know how short Tom Cruise is? He is 4’6”. But you can’t tell in the movies.

Mark: Michael Jordan isn’t in the movies. He played basketball. In real life. Next to other real tall guys.

Adam: He was in one movie. Space Jam. I couldn’t tell if he was tall or not.

Mark: You mean next to the cartoons?

Adam: Yeah. It was hard to tell. It could have been me.

Mark: Do you think it was you?

Adam: I think we should go outside.

Mark: Why?

Adam: I want to see if people think I’m him.

Mark: Are you sure you want to go outside like that?

Adam: Like what?

Mark: Never mind. Yeah. Let’s go outside.

They go outside. People start noticing Adam and pointing and whispering.

Adam: So, what does it feel like?

Mark: What?

Adam: Being seen in public with Michael Jordan.

Mark: You’re not Michael Jordan.

Adam: Oh no? Why is everyone staring at me?

Mark: Because you’re pointing at yourself and you’re not wearing any pants.

Adam: Look how long this jersey is. I don’t need pants.

Mark:  Michael Jordan would wear pants with it.

Adam: Shit. I gotta get back inside.

Mark: Go home.

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10 thoughts on “How Do You Know I’m Not Michael Jordan?

  1. This is easily one of my favorites… have to echo the various beverage points… coffee, check… nose, check… thankful for lack of carbonation in coffee, CHECK!

    Like

  2. I’m glad I wasn’t drinking anything carbonated when I read this story. I’d have snorted it up my nose. This is hilarious. Thank you, Charlotte for the much-needed laughs. Please keep ’em coming.

    Like

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