I already know my parents do it.

I was supposed to be home at eight last night, but I got back early because James’s mom was too tired to cook. She got us a bucket of crispy chicken instead and we ate it way faster than regular food. She dropped me off at like 7:30. Anyway, I said “hey” when I walked in the door, but nobody answered, so I went upstairs and that’s when I heard ‘em. I thought it would be cool to watch. It wasn’t.

The worst part is, my mom saw me. She didn’t say anything last night, but this morning after my dad got up from breakfast to go poop, mom said “hey Donny you know you can ask me anything right?”

And I was like “Aww, man.”

And she was like “I mean it Donny. Anything. Your dad too.”

And I was just thinking please stop talking, please stop talking, but she just had to keep talking. She said, “you know, like all your sex questions.”

Then dad shouted from the bathroom “hey what are you guys talking about?”

I yelled “nothing,” but then mom yelled, “Donny has questions about sex!”

Then it got quiet and dad said “Cheryl do we really have to do this now? I mean the boy’s only nine.”

So I said “I’m ten.”

And he said “okay so what do you want to know?” and then he flushed the toilet.

I said “nothing,” and then mom said, “honey, Donny was watching us make love last night.”

So anyway, that’s why I’m here. So I don’t get traumatized. The thing is, I don’t feel bad. I could barely see anything, that’s why I was at the door for so long. And I really don’t have any sex questions. I mean, not for them. What they were doing didn’t look anything like the porn I watch at James’s house. We figured out the code to unlock all the good channels. I have questions for some of those people.

There’s a lot of weird shit out there. You know?