Bean Boozled

Aleksy didn’t remember much about the crash. Luckily he had passed out before the truck went over the side of the mountain. Now, he was bleeding and aching all over. The whole truck was on its side and everything was dark. Aleksy fished around for his phone. There was no service, but he could the light. He climbed up to open the passenger door. It was freezing out! Even with his light, all he could see was trees covered in snow. He’d have to wait until morning to get help. As sore as Aleksy was from the crash, nothing compared to the hunger pains in his stomach. All he had eaten that day was a Slim Jim and 4 cups of free coffee from the truck stop. He wondered if there was any food in the trailer. HIs transport was from the Jelly Belly Candy Company. He opened the back doors and out tumbled hundreds of little boxes.

Aleksy flashed light on one of the boxes: Bean Boozled? Oh! Jellybeans! Aleksy laughed. Henryk and Feliks would love the story of how candy had saved their dad’s life. He grabbed an armful of boxes and climbed back into the cab. He tore open a box and poured some jellybeans into his mouth. Ten seconds later he spit them out. Was one of them rotten? He almost threw up the little food that was in his stomach, but fought to keep it down. What was going on?

He checked the box. It was a game. There were 20 flavors. Each good flavor had an identical nasty one. He’d have to take a chance on each jellybean he ate. Aleksy studied all the flavors and decided to try a light green one. It was either lime or lawn clippings. He bit it in half and chewed slowly. It was definitely not lime. But it wasn’t that bad. He ate all the light green ones from the boxes he had with him. Next, he chose the light blue ones: they were either blueberry or toothpaste. Not the best combination of flavors, but definitely not the worst. He ate them all.

As uncomfortable as he was, exhaustion set in and Aleksy fell asleep for hours. When he woke up, he checked his phone. 9am. Why was it still so dark? He shined light on the windows. They were covered with snow. He tried to open the passenger door, but it wouldn’t budge. Aleksy didn’t have the strength or energy to keep trying to open the door. Maybe eating some more jellybeans would help.

He studied the remaining flavors and chose the dark brown ones. Chocolate pudding or canned dog food. Didn’t sound too bad. Aleksy bit one in half and immediately vomited all over himself. The dog food flavor was disgusting and part of the jellybean was still stuck to his tooth. He tried to pry it off with his tongue and it made him throw up again. He wished he hadn’t eaten all the toothpaste ones.

He tried another flavor to get the awful taste out of his mouth. Agh! It was stinky socks. Aleksy felt hopeless. His phone had now officially died and he couldn’t see a thing. He grabbed a box. From now until his rescue or his death, he would have to blindly choose the flavors he ate.

Aleksy prayed for a good one. The smell of vomit was making his stomach turn. It wouldn’t take much to send him over the edge. He grabbed a jellybean and popped it into his mouth. Moldy cheese. It was gross, but he kept it down. One by one, Aleksy bit into the jellybeans, each time not knowing his fate. He was having a good run- ten in a row that he was able to swallow.

And then it happened. Skunk Spray. Aleksy’s eyes teared up and his nose burned. He spit it out, but it didn’t matter, the damage had been done. Aleksy’s life passed before his eyes. For the first time since the crash, he truly believed he would never see his family again.

Just then, a drop of water hit his cheek. Then another. They were coming in from the window. The snow was melting! Aleksy stood up and felt around for the door handle. He was able to move it slightly. He tried again using all the strength he had left and this time it swung open. Water and snow poured in on top of Aleksy, but he was able to climb out. He was soaked and freezing, but free! He looked around him. There were trees everywhere. He chose a direction and started walking. After what felt like hours the trees began to thin out. In the distance Aleksy could see a building, but he could not tell what it was. As he got closer, he could make out some red and green on the sign. R.J.’s Steakhouse. As Alexi walked up to the door, a poster caught his eye. It had a photo of a giant steak with the words “Free if you can eat it” written underneath.

Aleksy is the only man in history to have eaten the 72oz steak in one sitting and ask for seconds. His picture hangs on the wall in that steakhouse to this day.