I Want the Backpack

Dear Stephanie,

Happy Birthday! I’m really sorry your party got cancelled on Saturday. Does Alex really have lice? Eew. My mom said you’re gonna get it too for sure. Are you sad about not getting your party? I am.

Well, I’m writing to cheer you up and tell you I got you a really good gift.

It’s bangles and stickers and lip-gloss and a backpack of Elsa from Frozen. It’s blue with glitter and when you squeeze Elsa’s face it plays “Let It Go.”

Stephanie… I want the backpack.

My mom said it’s not your fault the party got cancelled and I’m not mad at you. But still, I didn’t get to go. We’re coming by later to drop off you your gift and I think you should open it and then say you want me to have the backpack. Because of how much I love Elsa. I know you do too, but not as much as me. And I mean, it’s not even your birthday anymore.

You’re such a good friend. I know you’ll do the right thing.

Love, Olive

P.S. What are you guys going to do with all the party favors?


Primitive Survival Skills

Dear Tyler,

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I feel like we’re headed in different directions. I’m not saying we should break up, but I am looking for something else.

I mean… do you have any primitive survival skills at all?

I really don’t think you could make a fire. Surviving is all about believing in yourself and I just don’t feel that way about you. Like I’ve never killed a snake in person before, but I’m 100% sure I can do it. I know it’s hard for some people, but it’s easy for me. I can tell.

It just doesn’t seem fair. We’d have this amazing snake meal that would just be ruined because you can’t make fire.

Do you remember last week when I asked you to go up on the roof and clean the leaves out of the gutters and you said it was a bad idea because it was raining? I just can’t see myself committing long-term to someone who is so afraid of life.

How are you going to protect me? I feel like we’ll be out in the jungle and on the first day you’re going to eat poisonous berries and die and I’ll be all alone and pissed. I can’t believe how unprepared you are.

I definitely don’t think you’re a worthless person in general, but I see myself with more of a taller, survivor type of guy.

Can you even open a coconut?

Well anyway, let me know if you want me to pick up some Thai food on the way home.




Date: Sun, 30 Aug 2009 2:12PM

Subject: i HATE camp

Mom, everyone here is stupid. Really. I am not overacting. I HATE CAMP.  Please please please please please come and get me! Please dont say you have to ask dad. Dad always says no. My cabin is so far from the game center and I am on a BOTTOM bunk. It sucks. I am sorry to say it sucks but its true. I cant believe you actually paid for me to come here it is torture. The boys in my cabin are imature and crazy. This boy named Carlos said Harry Potter is gay and if you like Harry Potter it means you are gay. Can u believe it? The worst is this hillbilly kid named David. He is the dumest person I have ever met. He is a bully with red hair and he thinks he is so cool because he is 12 already. We hiked to eel river today and David pushed me in the water and my towel got soking wet and he just laughed at me and I told my counselor Jacob and he said it was just an accidint but it wasnt. So I yelled that it wasnt and I got a time out. Can u believe it? I cant believe it. I didnt even get to go in the water for yelling. I just had to sit there and throw rocks in the river. Then I told Jacob I was hungry and he said I could have lunch but no ice cream and David was laughing at me again and calling me crybaby crybaby. Mom I sware I was not even crying! Its not fair he pushed me and still got ice cream and today it was rocky road and I didnt get any and I hate it here. I want to go home and be with you. I love you mom. You are the nicest prettyest mom ever. Can I come home please? Say yes.

Love, your son, Kyle


Date: Sun, 30 Aug 2009 2:33PM

Subject: nevermind

Mom guess what! U remember that kid David? He got in trouble because he called John Kim a kimchi and then he got stung by a bee in the FACE!!! Everyone was laughing. Isnt that great? I am so happy! love, Kyle