Lesbian Row

At 3 o’clock this afternoon I was standing at the end of a long line outside CBS studios in L.A. with my friend Amy. We were waiting to see the taping of the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson.  I had never been to the taping of a talk show before and I had no idea who Craig Ferguson was. I was sure we were going to have to wait outside for a few hours and then sit through a long, boring taping. But, being that Amy is from Nashville and this was her first time in Hollywood, it seemed only fair that she should get to do something showbizzy. After all, she didn’t make me take her to the wax museum or Universal Studios.

At 3:30 on the dot we were all let in through the gates where our i.d.s were checked and our cell phones were confiscated.  We were seated on benches outside of the studio and told to use the bathroom now or forever hold our peace. We met our warm up guy “Chunky” and were led up four flights upstairs to the studio. Amy and I were near the end of the line and began walking towards some available seats in the back row when one of the staff members told us to sit up front on the left side. We were really excited that we would actually be able to see what was going on. Two more girls around our age came and filled the seats next to us.

Chunky came back and began his routine right next to me. He put a bag of Whoppers in his mouth and leaned towards me. I snatched the bag out of his mouth and then hid my face in Amy’s arm. Then he said he felt sexy and shook his butt in my face. Again, I hid behind Amy. Chunky then told me I wasn’t interested in him because I was a lesbian and I was in fact sitting in lesbian row. We all laughed and he finished his routine and taught us the right way to laugh and clap for Craig.

Craig came out and we all made a lot of noise. He did his opening monologue and then looked at us girls in the front and said “Oh we have a good looking lesbian row tonight.”  What the hell? Anyways, the point of this story is that I am probably going to be famous now. I think we are going to be on t.v. later tonight because the camera guy kept turning around and filming us.  So, if you feel like it, turn on CBS at 12:37 tonight and try to find me!