Happy Birthday! I’m really sorry your party got cancelled on Saturday. Does Alex really have lice? Eew. My mom said you’re gonna get it too for sure. Are you sad about not getting your party? I am.
Well, I’m writing to cheer you up and tell you I got you a really good gift.
It’s bangles and stickers and lip-gloss and a backpack of Elsa from Frozen. It’s blue with glitter and when you squeeze Elsa’s face it plays “Let It Go.”
Stephanie… I want the backpack.
My mom said it’s not your fault the party got cancelled and I’m not mad at you. But still, I didn’t get to go. We’re coming by later to drop off you your gift and I think you should open it and then say you want me to have the backpack. Because of how much I love Elsa. I know you do too, but not as much as me. And I mean, it’s not even your birthday anymore.
You’re such a good friend. I know you’ll do the right thing.
P.S. What are you guys going to do with all the party favors?
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I feel like we’re headed in different directions. I’m not saying we should break up, but I am looking for something else.
I mean… do you have any primitive survival skills at all?
I really don’t think you could make a fire. Surviving is all about believing in yourself and I just don’t feel that way about you. Like I’ve never killed a snake in person before, but I’m 100% sure I can do it. I know it’s hard for some people, but it’s easy for me. I can tell.
It just doesn’t seem fair. We’d have this amazing snake meal that would just be ruined because you can’t make fire.
Do you remember last week when I asked you to go up on the roof and clean the leaves out of the gutters and you said it was a bad idea because it was raining? I just can’t see myself committing long-term to someone who is so afraid of life.
How are you going to protect me? I feel like we’ll be out in the jungle and on the first day you’re going to eat poisonous berries and die and I’ll be all alone and pissed. I can’t believe how unprepared you are.
I definitely don’t think you’re a worthless person in general, but I see myself with more of a taller, survivor type of guy.
Can you even open a coconut?
Well anyway, let me know if you want me to pick up some Thai food on the way home.