Surprise Party

Dear Mr. Wellington,

My name is Danny Harper. I’ve had my account with the GRB Credit Union for two years now, and I’m mostly happy with your services. I’m writing today to inquire about a small personal loan. I need $750.

Recently my mom broke her hip and now she’s in the hospital. I don’t need the money for medical bills- her insurance covers that. I really want to do something nice for her birthday. A GREAT surprise! I mean all out, with firecrackers and a stripper. She’ll NEVER see it coming. I know you’re probably thinking that’s not the kind of party a mom would enjoy, but trust me; it will shock her pants off. And that’s what I want to see.

My mom loves surprises. One time my dad had a surprise party for her on the beach. Another time, he surprised her with a trip to Italy. I want this to be just like that!

There’s a stripper named Lalissa Fremont that would be perfect to hire. I don’t know another stripper as thoughtful and creative as Lalissa. We met by chance at her work, and I can’t stop thinking about her. I think hiring her to strip for my mom’s party would help Lalissa to see that there’s more to the world than stripping in nightclubs. There are much safer places to strip. Lalissa said she’d work my mom’s party for $500. I’m asking for $750 so that I’ll have money for the firecrackers, the Diet Dr. Pepper and for VIP treatment.

I do have a few questions regarding the loan. Will you be giving me the full amount, or do you want to hire Lalissa directly? I can’t promise that she will give you as good a deal as she is giving me. Also, I know there are different types of loans. Do you guys give a type of loan that’s a gift?

Please let me know soon. Time is of the essence.



Dear Wendy

Dear Wendy,


I am doing ALOT of drugs now so I need to know is Heidi staying at your house or not? I didn’t cheat on her with that “girl” so TELL HER THAT!!!!!! Don’t make this personal (like you always do). You and me broke up a long time ago get over it already. And if you remember I cheated on you ONE time and I felt really bad aka BROKEN HEARTED but you can’t forgive a man… But I am different now and Heidi is my one and only 4LIFE but I cant wait 4EVER. Fuck bitches. All bitches do is make me take ALOT of drugs. I dont give a fuck. Hey Wendy do you think that Heidi will take me back? If she says no then do you want to kick it?  Rob told me you went on a diet and got FINE. Is it true that you are not fat anymore? If yes then how come you waited until we broke up to get FINE?  That is fucked up but its cool tho Im not mad at you baby. If Heidi isn’t staying with you do you want me to come over? I can come stay with you if you want. I got fired from my job so I have lots of time to do “stuff” to you if you know what I mean. I know you remember the good times!! Lets have some more good times!!! Alright? Ill just come over later.

 Love you honeyheart, Matt