How Do You Know I’m Not Michael Jordan?

Adam: Hey Mark, let me ask you something.

Mark: Yeah.

Adam: How do you know I’m not Michael Jordan?

Mark: Umm, because you’re Adam.

Adam: I know, but if you didn’t know me. How would you know I wasn’t Michael Jordan?

Mark: You mean, how does a person tell someone is not another person, or…?

Adam: Come on man, I’m being serious.

Mark: Because you’re not Michael Jordan! I know what Michael Jordan looks like.

Adam: But I’m wearing his jersey. His exact same jersey. The one he played in the last time he played basketball. I bought one just like it. There is no difference at all.

Mark: Okay…

Adam: So, how would you know who I was?

Mark: Because I can see your face and you don’t look like Michael Jordan.

Adam: Do you think people really pay attention to that?

Mark: To what?

Adam: The face?

Mark: Yeah. Especially with someone like Jordan. Look, I think I have a cardboard cut out of him in my garage. Lets stand him next to you so you can see for yourself.

Adam: Okay.

(They go get the cut out of Michael Jordan and bring it into the bathroom to stand it next to Adam in the mirror)

Mark: Well, what do you think?

Adam: I don’t know. It’s hard to say. I mean, he’s wearing his old jersey. It’s really distracting.

Mark: Ok Adam, what about the fact that you look nothing like him?

Adam: I don’t know. I think that could be me.

Mark: He’s like a foot taller than you.

Adam: In cardboard. But maybe not in person. Do you know how short Tom Cruise is? He is 4’6”. But you can’t tell in the movies.

Mark: Michael Jordan isn’t in the movies. He played basketball. In real life. Next to other real tall guys.

Adam: He was in one movie. Space Jam. I couldn’t tell if he was tall or not.

Mark: You mean next to the cartoons?

Adam: Yeah. It was hard to tell. It could have been me.

Mark: Do you think it was you?

Adam: I think we should go outside.

Mark: Why?

Adam: I want to see if people think I’m him.

Mark: Are you sure you want to go outside like that?

Adam: Like what?

Mark: Never mind. Yeah. Let’s go outside.

They go outside. People start noticing Adam and pointing and whispering.

Adam: So, what does it feel like?

Mark: What?

Adam: Being seen in public with Michael Jordan.

Mark: You’re not Michael Jordan.

Adam: Oh no? Why is everyone staring at me?

Mark: Because you’re pointing at yourself and you’re not wearing any pants.

Adam: Look how long this jersey is. I don’t need pants.

Mark:  Michael Jordan would wear pants with it.

Adam: Shit. I gotta get back inside.

Mark: Go home.