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Tag: relationship
Imogene
Imogene was the kind of beautiful that’s not beautiful on the outside. She wondered if she’d be alone forever. Hardly anyone in Bedford County even noticed her. Except for Linus. He’d follow Imogene everywhere she went, filming her, picking her trash outta the garbage and what not.
He wasn’t really right in the head, but Imogene didn’t have any other admirers, so she always gave him a smile when their eyes met. Plus, he wasn’t ugly, just a lil bit off. He’d been one of those kids who couldn’t have pets cause they’d always end up dead and opened up. A few neighbors who’d lost their cats suspected him of foul play, but nothing was ever proven. Imogene didn’t have any pets, so she wasn’t really worried about Linus.
Well, and so it was on most days, Imogene would walk through town nearly invisible with Linus trailing about ten steps behind her. She never knew why he followed her on some days and not on others – and the truth is, she was starting to care. So on the days he wasn’t watching her, she went looking for him. He was easy to find. He was most always smashing on rocks in his front yard with no shirt on. It was a good look for him, thought Imogene. He’d look up from smashing and smile at her and then go right back to smashing.
One day when Linus wasn’t following her, and he wasn’t in his front yard, Imogene went up to the house. Now, that took a lot of courage. Linus’s father was known for yelling and throwing beer cans, though no one had seen him for a while. “Linus,” called Imogene, “you in there?” There was no answer.
Imogene peeked through the window. She could see Linus’s dad sitting on an armchair with a beer in his hand. Looked like he was asleep. She called out again “Linus?” Still no answer. Imogene noticed the door was open, so she let herself in. She took a closer look at Linus’s dad and realized he wasn’t sitting in the chair, he was the chair. He’d been expertly stuffed and positioned. Imogene heard someone grunting behind her. She spun around to find Linus standing right there. “Linus, did you do this?” she asked. Linus nodded slowly. “It’s just beautiful. May I take a seat?” Again, Linus nodded, smiling shyly.
Imogene sat on Linus’s dad and leaned back. The chair rocked a little with her weight. A rocking chair! Imogene had always wanted a rocking chair. Linus took the beer can out of his daddy’s hand and replaced it with a nice cold fresh one for Imogene.
She looked at Linus and it was like she could see into the future. They’d be married. It’d be a simple life, but a nice one. He’d make all the furniture and she’d do the cooking and cleaning and of course she’d read to the kids. She wasn’t sure Linus could even talk, let alone read.
Still, she thought, he sure would make a fine husband.
Rules For Nana
Dear Stan,
I left this note on the refrigerator because you always eat. Get it? Haha. I understand that youre mom stroked and now she will live here even if she HATES!!! me. You think that is not true but it is. It is sad losing a parent as you KNOW I know. So you can see I am not a bitch and untolerant. But I live here too(!!!) and there must be rules for Nana. Or else… (you already know!!!) I know its too hard for you to make rules so I did it for you. When you get back from the hospital please give them to her and read them into her good ear TWICE!!!
Love, Sharon
Rules For Nana
By: Sharon M.
1.No smoking in or over our bed (like last time)
2.Must keep wheelchair noise to medium/low (and not squeaky on the tiles just to bother ME!!!)
3.Must eat food Sharon (ME!!!) makes
4.No singing loudly or scarring the kids
5.Can only talk to Timmy and Johnny if she says good things about ME no jokes about my RELIGION or my FANTASIES!!!
6.Be polite to visitors (not rude!!!)
-a.k.a. not cursing or throwing
7….WELCOME to our home!!!
Free Relationship Advice From Amanda
1. Don’t even bother with guys named Chris who look around nervously while eating their mushroom chicken at the Olive Garden in Pomona. They have been fucking Stacy, the hostess, behind your back for eleven months.
2. Sears models named Jordan have Hepatitis.
3. If your boyfriend Kenny wants to play Twister, just say no. His feet smell like popcorn.
4. David’s face makes babies cry so… obviously no future there.
5. Decline all invitations to eat at Steven’s house because the food isn’t that good and after you eat it he will ask you to put in for half of the grocery bill.
6. It doesn’t matter that Albert’s mother is an adult film star but it might bother you that he has posters of her in his bedroom. I don’t know. Your call.
7. Don’t go for guys named Justin, Peter or Carl. They think Guitar Hero is a date.
8. If he wears tight sweaters and has strong arms and seems perfect, he probably is. Unless his name is Harold, in which case he is a jerk and will call you chunky in front of your whole family at Christmas.
9. Athlete’s foot takes a while to cure so you might want to let Hector take care of it before you date him and your feet start itching because you forgot to wear your flip-flops in his shower.
10. Don’t let Larry use your toothbrush. He will want to so you might have to hide it but trust me don’t even let him touch it. It will taste like garlic. Actually, don’t date Larry. He keeps food in his briefcase and lies about it and then gets mad at me when I ask what that smell is.
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