Re: Roommate Needed:

Dear SpiritKitty69,

Am I too late? I hope not, because if you are still looking for a roommate, then you are in luck. I am exactly what you are looking for. I am not black, but I am open to it.
I am clean and somewhat fit and very physically available. Really, I am the opposite of disappointment. I am a casually gentle guy who knows his way around the kitchen (once I have been in it for awhile). I am totally normal and I love to roughhouse and wrestle. I especially love to wrestle. I have extremely strong inner thigh muscles that you have to watch out for. If I get a hold of you, my fuzzy golden sleep lock will put you out for hours. Is there a designated roughhousing area of the apartment or is it just all over?
I am potentially the best friend you will ever have. I am flexible, timid and unique. You wont regret having me around. I am a member of Netflix and I can grant you access to unlimited hours of watching Scrubs on the couch.
I hope your couch is comfortable, because sometimes they aren’t.
Don’t worry; I am not the kind of roommate that will go sleep in my own room. I don’t even have a bed!
If you choose me to be your roommate, I will prove to you that I walk the walk. I am a do-er not a thinker! But don’t worry, I will never lock you up. I will let you leave whenever you want to. I fucking hate slavery!

Call me!

Knucklefuzz911

Roommate Needed

If you’re reading this, I am still looking for a housemate. Please only respond if you are neat, drama free, single… and black. Race does not matter to me at all, but please be black. Also, must be open-minded.

Ideal housemate would be a funny, warm, educated, professional, beefy/athletic or at least somewhat fit man. I’m definitely looking for someone shy… or outgoing. Someone to have fun with, laugh with, and roughhouse with – a pal to chill with and a potential best friend. I’m open to being soul mates as well. But really, just friends is fine too.

Please do not contact me unless you are a normal person. You know what I mean. Regular normal. Not crazy normal. An emotionally and physically available, passionate man. It is okay if you are a foreigner, but please be black. For some reason Ukranian men keep replying to this ad. If you are not black PLEASE do not respond!

I’m smart and kind, and full of life. I don’t need any more disappointment. I am unique and virtuous. You must be as well. I like to work as a team. You do the dishes and I’ll dry them. Or, you know… I just don’t want this to be one of those roommate situations where you go sleep in your room and I sleep in mine.

I’m ready for some new adventures. Maybe we fall asleep in the living room watching Scrubs some nights- I don’t know. I have more canned goods than anyone you have ever met I promise. Really it’s like a store over here! Email me. There will be gifts.

 

-SpiritKitty69