Have You Ever

Hey. You know how guys always get together to watch porn and masturbate?

Do you ever do that? Like, not rubbing up on each other, but just watching porn at the same time?

Well, I stayed at James’s house Friday night and I slept late Saturday morning. That’s what happens when my mom isn’t there to wake me up at 8.

So anyway I got up at like 10 or 10:30 and James mom was gone, because she’s always gone. But James was in the living room with his cousins and they were all jerking off to a MILF porn. They were like “hey Donny,” but they didn’t really look up at me. I was still pretty asleep and I didn’t know what to do because I was starting to get hard, but I also wanted breakfast.

I decided I was more hungry than horny so I went to get some cereal. It was kinda hard to enjoy my breakfast because there’s not really a door between the kitchen and the living room so I could see and hear everything.

I was just eating, kind of out of it because I was still waking up and I guess I looked like I was staring because all the sudden, James’ cousin Brian, who’s a total dick, was like “yo Donny what the fuck? Why are you staring at us?” Then he told James I was a perv.

Everyone looked at James, you know, to see what he would say, but he wasn’t even paying attention because he was about to come. And then he did. So we all saw James come and now everyone thinks it’s my fault.

Has that ever happened to you?

Sex Questions

I already know my parents do it.

I was supposed to be home at eight last night, but I got back early because James’s mom was too tired to cook. She got us a bucket of crispy chicken instead and we ate it way faster than regular food. She dropped me off at like 7:30. Anyway, I said “hey” when I walked in the door, but nobody answered, so I went upstairs and that’s when I heard ‘em. I thought it would be cool to watch. It wasn’t.

The worst part is, my mom saw me. She didn’t say anything last night, but this morning after my dad got up from breakfast to go poop, mom said “hey Donny you know you can ask me anything right?”

And I was like “Aww, man.”

And she was like “I mean it Donny. Anything. Your dad too.”

And I was just thinking please stop talking, please stop talking, but she just had to keep talking. She said, “you know, like all your sex questions.”

Then dad shouted from the bathroom “hey what are you guys talking about?”

I yelled “nothing,” but then mom yelled, “Donny has questions about sex!”

Then it got quiet and dad said “Cheryl do we really have to do this now? I mean the boy’s only nine.”

So I said “I’m ten.”

And he said “okay so what do you want to know?” and then he flushed the toilet.

I said “nothing,” and then mom said, “honey, Donny was watching us make love last night.”

So anyway, that’s why I’m here. So I don’t get traumatized. The thing is, I don’t feel bad. I could barely see anything, that’s why I was at the door for so long. And I really don’t have any sex questions. I mean, not for them. What they were doing didn’t look anything like the porn I watch at James’s house. We figured out the code to unlock all the good channels. I have questions for some of those people.

There’s a lot of weird shit out there. You know?